Pre-Marital Classes

She Said:

For those of you who don't know, I'm currently acquiring my hours for license for Marriage and Family Therapy. So when the discussion of Pre-Marital class came up, I was an advocate. Joe recommended we go to a local church who has a six session course. It came highly recommended from a friend couple of ours. It sounded perfect, both marital information with Christian insight. We have been in our class for three weeks now. It's been nothing but helpful. I especially love it when Joe reminds me during the week that we need to discuss our homework assignment. He's really dedicated and it just reminds me of what a great catch I have!!! Sorry girls, he's taken! Seriously, it's been both beneficial and pleasurable. The MFT and her husband who run the group are great too. Joe and I have discussed posting a picture of us with them on our blog, so stay tuned because that is sure to be in the next week or so. This couple also reminds me (and Joe from what he's said to me) of us, personality wise. She's organized and a planner, he's a fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants type guy. So when they give personal insight during class, we often find ourselves glancing at each other or a poke in the other's arm.

One funny story about pre-marital class, was on the day we discussed in-laws and boundaries. So the teachers were asking for feedback from the class and Joe says, "It's like the Cirlce of Trust." Of course I start to laugh, because I always think Joe is so clever, especially when he refers or quotes movies. And the room was silent - crickets chirping. I thought in my head, haha, no one gets it. Then from behind us, a guys voice says, "Yeah, the Fockers!" Joe and I started laughing. Now, to clue you in, we love those movies, "Meet the Parents" and "Meet the Fockers." In fact Joe and I call each other FOcker just to be funny. So when this guy in class said that, and he was like the only person who got it at such a serious topic - it was pretty funny. If you don't get it, it's okay, just a Joe and Allyson moment.

Another memorable moment (not so funny) was the discussion of fair fighting. While discussing de-escalating self and partner or letting the other know timing isn't right, they suggested a code word. WELL, proud to say that Joe and I have had our code word for years already, and use it like a charm. So when they mentioned this idea in class, we both looked at each other and whispered our word at the same time, "********." I'd tell you, but it's top secret and I'd have to kill you. It's a couple thing (wink, wink)!

We've met some nice couples (all of which are somewhere like 18 years old and I feel like an old spinster) and hope to connect more with them in the future. We definitely like the church and think this could just be our home church in the future. So I'm really excited. Marriage here I come!

He Said:

Pre Marital classes.

Well to be honest when I first heard about pre marital counseling I was pretty much against it. If it wasn’t for one of my close friends harping on me, I probably would still think this way. My buddy pretty much insisted that I go to pre marital counseling. He said it was the best thing he ever did. Allyson and I ended up going to the same church and counseling classes that they attended because they gave it such good reviews.

Julie and her husband Rich teach the class Rich is a high school teacher and Julie is the marriage and family therapist. Our fist meeting we showed up a little bit late. Allyson was running in a 5k race in Huntington Beach in pouring rain. We showed up to the 1st class about half way through. We were immediately welcomed so I was relieved that it wasn’t a totally uncomfortable situation. There are 3 or so other couples in the class and they are very nice. We have had a few limited conversations with them and every one is super friendly. One thing I noticed right a way was that Allyson and I are the oldest ones in the class and it seems like we are the oldest by a long shot. There is one couple that looks like they are right out of high school. They look younger than 18. I feel like telling these kids grow up for a few years then get married, but who am I to judge when its time its time.

The classes are broken down in to 6 weeks and after each class there is a homework assignment. Well, I missed our first one, home work that is. They said that the didn’t grade it or any thing so I figured I didn’t have to do it… well I was pretty much called out in class as being the only one who didn’t do it, so I have made sure not to have that experience again. After that I have made it a point to get the assignments done. It has been a really enjoyable and positive experience. It really gets Allyson and me to focus on us, who we are as individuals as well as who we are as a couple.

Julie and Rich really do a good job and its funny how much they remind me of Allyson and me. There have been several times that they have been sharing a story about themselves and Allyson and I just look at each other and smile as if to say, “see you are just like that”! It’s actually funny seeing it from the outside. There was one time in particular that stands out in my mind when I was like oh my god, that is totally Allyson and we might as well be standing up there sharing our story.

Julie was talking about how people prefer things that are familiar to them. This tends to be, how things were done when the person was growing up. Well your marriage partner, hopefully, didn’t come from the exact same set of parents, so they are likely to prefer things a different way. This can lead to conflict. It can be little things but enough little things over time can lead to a fight but neither party knows why… Well the little thing that Julie and Rich used as an example was, how towels are folded. This is when I looked over at Allyson and she looked at me… I am not sure why but I am very particular about how things are folded, especially towels, t-shirts, socks, pants… well I guess any thing that comes out of the washing machine. It’s really rather strange. At times Allyson has offered to help me fold clothes, she, unfortunately has a slightly different way of folding things… This has led to a bit of conflict. I am so nutty that I have been known to refold all the towels that Allyson has just folded. I just can’t help it.

Hopefully we can post a few pictures of the class and of Julie and Rich. Also I will probably add to this as the class finishes up. I am sure there will be another story or two that comes out of the next few sessions.